we camped under the trees and the rain fell down from the sky and bubbles and smoke floated around us. we floated down the river in an inflatable pool and i closed my eyes and let sleep take me. we slept in tents, burrowed under blankets, listening to the rain and the birds and creatures of the night. we sat around a fire and burned things and cooked things and sang to megan on her birthday…the weekend was hers, after all.

and when no one else was around for miles and was all alone, i found my deer. she walked out into the path and she looked at me. and i looked at her. and for a long time we just stared at each other. and she waited while i walked closer. a car echoed through the trees and she ran. but i saw her watching me from the trees, watching me while i watched for alex. magic rained down from the sky and there was no one else to witness it.

‘so we are sleeping in the starlight…

and i’ll be singing you a goodnight, goodnight…’

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Friday was for sunshine and smoky casinos and feeling the waves rock you to sleep. Saturday was for the wind that threatened to carry you away despite Beloved’s watchful eye. Saturday was for vow renewals and dancing with your Romeo and pictures for your unborn child. Saturday was for the Bahamas and the unforgiving sun. Saturday was for curses and cathedrals and a long red dress. Saturday was for a string quartet playing in your ear while you looked out over an island’s fading glory.

Sunday was for long braids and old hats and room service. Sunday was for beaches lined with trees and dreams behind closed eyes. Sunday was for volleyball and sunburns and seaweed scarring perfect blue. Sunday was for Beloved’s fingers on your neck, his arms around your glowing shoulders.  Sunday was for a baby, fluttering away to the beat of your heart. Sunday was for everything you ever wanted.

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Cold airports, flights without my Husband. Chastised by immigration, stranded by the police, abandoned in the dark. Spinning on a dance floor, oblivious to the world. A jewelry store with a bar in the corner, free drinks and anything we wanted. A thousand lights hanging in the dark. Bliss, standing in the middle of a pool with a hundred eyes on me, dress swirling around my legs, purple in the blue water. Markets and shops, bags, and braids. A sick boy lost at the top of a staircase leading nowhere except the sky. Too many speed bumps and butterflies in my stomach. Cows in the street and a stray dog that needs saving. Laying in the sand, looking up at planes close enough to touch with the tips of my fingers. A puppy burned with acid, 3 kittens left for dead. Two kittens in the sink, washing off the smell of death that clings to them so fiercely. A restaurant in the trees, lulled to sleep by a disco ball. French accents and narrow streets, curtains blowing through the windows of graffitied houses.  One brokedown palace after another stacked precariously up the mountainside, columns crumbling, vines covering blackened walls. A small child in an alley, running desperately towards traffic. An anchored boat in the waves of a nude beach, swimming to shore to walk on the rocks in the shadows of mountains. Puppies in cages that will never know love, if not for mine. Phone calls to beloved looking out over a lagoon. Losing all concept of time curled up on a beach,  glowing  in the  sun. Goats  behind  fences, roosters  in the street. Dinners at fancy restaurants, nights spent in casinos.

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