big news.
Stella was in the newspaper, in all of her mentally-deficient glory. Also, side-eye at every single person who attended the event and neglected to tell me that the kid we were hosting the event for was conveniently the kid all over my dog for an uncomfortable length of time. I would have been a little nicer.
thanks.
crazy bitch.
1. I adopted her from the animal shelter when she was 8 weeks old. I wanted a different puppy, but Stella kept sitting on my shoes and following me around.
2. Alex’s parent’s adopted her sister on the same day.
3. she is truly anorexic-skinny, no matter how much food I shove down her throat.
4. she thoroughly enjoys yellow sour patch kids
5. she once ate all the ornaments and tinsel on the bottom 2 feet of our christmas tree. she pooped glitter for weeks.
6. she likes to take leisurely swims in the pool by herself when no one is looking.
7. she’s allergic to most collars. but not the expensive leather ones, of course.
8. when she was little she had a staph infection.
9. last year she got out of the house and someone in the neighborhood tried to keep her. I ran up just as they were loudly saying (despite her collar and tags) “WOW WHAT A POOR STRAY DOG. LETS TAKE HER HOME. SHE NEEDS A FAMILY” and dragging her into their house. I freaked.
10. she once squeezed out the half-open back window of my car while we were driving and I was in the front seat holding her leash. She hung there until Alex realized why I was screaming and slammed on the brakes. The idiot was fine and just ran off like nothing happened.
11. She kicks dirt over her poop like a cat.
12. She likes to lounge on the back of the couch like a cat with her head on top of your head.
13. she does drive by lickings of any food within her reach. she darts her tongue out without stopping as she walks by in hopes we’ll be grossed out and give it to her. never works.
14. she has extreme anxiety.
15. she used to literally pee giant puddles in the corner every time we came home, even when she didn’t do anything wrong.
16. she once slammed into the sliding glass door and then stared at it, extremely confused.
17. she likes to sit on my bed with her bare ass on my pillow. it grosses me out.
18. on several occasions she has crammed herself between the couch cushions so far down that we couldn’t find her.
19. she stares at me constantly and unwaveringly and once she’s gotten my attention she’ll slowly stick out her tongue out the side of her mouth.
20. she likes to wear hats.
21. she likes to wear jingle bells.
22. she jumps up on the counters and scavenges for food, usually breaking my pretty dishes.
23. I tried to use mouse traps on her, but she ate them.
24. she has to poop in at least 4 different places each time and all of her circling in preparation is wonky and uneven and she almost always falls over.
25. last halloween I made a head on a stick of Michi for pictures. Stella ate it.
26. she’s eaten 2 dozen coasters in their entirety.
27. when she’s excited she shakes uncontrollably and can’t walk straight.
28. she truly loves being in her crate.
29. sometimes she gets over stimulated and will take her front paw and smack corona in the face.
30. it doesn’t matter how much room there is (or isn’t) on the couch, she wants to sit right on top of you.
31. when she was a puppy, I’d come downstairs every morning to find her sitting in her water bowl.
32. she likes to eat bark and mulch and sticks and wads of my hair.
33. I’ve had to manually remove strands of my hair (which are longer than she is) more than once :/
34. she licks the inside of corona’s ears constantly.
35. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her growl. ever.
36. she can high five, with both hands.
37. she likes to cram herself under Alex’s desk by his feet when he works from home.
38. she likes to shower with us and just stands there drinking the water and smiling.
39. she pretends to be a snake and slithers around the house on her back.
40. she used to hide her food bowl around the house in really bizarre places.
41. she once ate an entire roll of film and 5 pounds of raw steak in the same day.
42. when I was pregnant, she used to kiss my belly.
43. right before I had B, she had her head resting on my stomach and B kicked really hard and she fell over and wouldn’t sit next to me for a really long time.
44. she sits on top of our bed and watches me get ready. As soon as spray perfume, she runs downstairs and gets in her crate.
45. she can open the baby gate at the foot of the stairs.
46. she likes to spoon with whoever happens to be sleeping on our couch each weekend.
47. Once I caught her trying to open their food container.
48. sometimes she’ll start running up and down the hallway as fast as she can and start sliding into the walls.
49. when you talk to her, she cocks her head to the side like she’s listening and stares at you blankly so you know she’s actually not.
50. she’s a huge whore.
